November Thoughts...

It's....

PEDOBEAR!

There are my amusing pictures of the day. Pedobear strikes in RL.

There are two problems that I need to address today: my vulgarity and my bowel movements. Yes, you did not read wrong. Today, we will be discussing the food I eat here at Trinity and how it comes out. If you have a weak stomach or if you think I might be attracted to you then please stop reading after the first discussion.  BTW, I am sacrificing valuable nap and homework time to make this post. You're welcome Patty.

First thing's first. If you know me, you know that I enjoy making vulgar comments.  I am indeed racist.  I am inherently racist.  I am a short chubby Asian.  Damn right I'm gonna be scared of black people.  And damn right I'm afraid of white people stealing my stuff.  I remember my mom used to pack me dumplings for lunch in kindergarten and...CRACKAS STOLE MY DUMPLINGS.  Seriously, I'd have to carry around my red Power Rangers lunch box all day just because I knew those white kids would be all over them dumplings if I left them alone. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate white people. In fact, 99% of my school is white.  If I hated white people I would have a serious issue on my hands.  Also, don't get me wrong about black people.  My advisor is black and he's one of the coolest guys I've met here at Trinity.  I am actually taking a course called "The African American Experience" right now.  Yes, most of you who know me will find that highly amusing.  That is one of the very few classes I'm actually doing well in.

Many of my comments also include sexually explicit content.  If you think about it, this is very reasonable considering almost everything around us has some kind of sexual connotation.  I mean even in Biology they are reading a book titled "Why Sex is Fun." I believe that may have been the only book I have been interested in reading since Green Eggs and Ham.  And I read Green Eggs and Ham because the pictures of green eggs and ham made me happy.  Yes, I became a fatass at a very early age. Don't judge me.  Oh yes, judging...that reminds me. Just yesterday I made a comment about fapping to a girl in my hall and she was all like, "I'm judging you now..." How do you respond to that? I mean in my head I'm thinking "I'm judging you for judging me." But does that sound nearly as cool if I say it to her? I don't know...I don't think so.

Anyways, that's just my warning to all people that don't know me very well. I often make very disturbing comments that you probably shouldn't take seriously...unless I want you to. So now comes the time for the ladies to leave the room because I am about to unleash my fury about my digestive system.

So since I've been here at Trinity, I feel like I have the need to take a dump every single minute of the day.  I have some serious bowel issues man.  On average I take three shits a day here.  And even I am too embarrassed to post how many times my max was.  On top of that, they are all huge shits.  I don't even eat enough food to be producing that much shit.  It is just completely unreasonable.  However, I will say that the Mexican food station produces the most dangerous substances.  Every time I get food from the Mexican line I have to make some excuse to leave my friends at the dining hall and rush back to my room.  I swear that hippie Hispanic guy at that station mixes some extra stuff in the guacamole.   And the worst part about all this is that I get fecal anxiety attacks in the middle of class.  You know those?  When you are prairie dogging it so hard that your whole body goes cold and your stomach hurts like no other.  When the urgent need to go goes away every 2 minutes and when it comes back you have to go so bad that you clench the side of your desk so tightly you might just rip it apart.  On top of that, I just can't release in public bathrooms.  I always have to go back to the room.  Just imagine it: You have a giant turd about to blow the fuck out of your ass, but you still have to run a good quarter mile back to your room.  I have seriously considered jumping into some bushes and shitting on a building before.  That's how they do it in China at least...good thing I'm Taiwanese.  

All right, that's about it for this time.  I'm sorry if this post has offended you in any way and you are now judging me.  Just remember, I'm judging you for judging me.  

Cliffs:

- I am vulgar and racist.

- I have explosive shits everyday.

Thanks for reading.

Oh BTW, if you see my mom wish her a happy birthday tomorrow.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM.  I hope she didn't really read this...