A Really Fucking Long Overdue Blog Entry. Apologies!

Right, so I pretty much completely forgot I had this blog for a while until William reminded me that the last time I updated this thing was back in November. Well, school got a little hectic and all, so I ended up putting my time elsewhere (playing PS3).

Anyways, I thought I'd give a little update on what's been happening in my life. My life has been pretty fucked up to say the least. Let's rewind to the end of last semester. My roommate and I had been playing random clips of Tokyo Drift and listening to that Tokyo Drift song over and over for a while, so one day we decide to go out for a little drive. "Let's go drifting!"

Problem #1: I don't know how to drift.

Problem #2: It's really dark out.

Problem #3: I don't know the road.

You can see how this could turn into an epic fail. My roommate is driving in front of me when all of a sudden his taillights disappear. Holy shit. Either his car got consumed by a big dark monster or there is a really fucking sharp turn up ahead. Look down at speedometer: 40 mph. Fuck my tits. No time to brake, so I turn really fast and my rear end swings out. I lose control and fly off a ledge and do a nosedive into a tree/shrubbery. Wonderful. I just crashed my car trying to imitate Tokyo Drift. Kinda ended like the movie did too. No biggie though. I got a nice fat insurance check and ended up getting the same car in a better color.

Now it's 3 days after my birthday. I'm on 59 heading into downtown. Sequence of events:

1. I spot lady brake really hard. She loses control and starts spinning into my lane (I'm on the far left).

2. I look in rear view mirror and spot an 18 wheeler. Fuck my tits once again.

3. Solution: Speed the fuck up and hope to god she misses me.

4. Bad luck gets the best of me once again and she hits me (in my new fucking car btw). But worse luck gets the best of the lady as she swings behind me and is rammed by the 18 wheeler.

5. I stop and run over to her car thinking she probably didn't make it.

6. She made it.

So, on this day I backed up traffic from downtown to Kirby on 59. For all the motherfuckers who honked and flipped me the bird while we were blocking a lane: I hope you get hit by an 18 wheeler. Some people like you in this world really deserve it.

OK so after this happens I go to hang out with a few my friends the following night. They joke: "Wouldn't it be fucked up if you got into a motorcycle accident?! HAHAHAHA" Good joke guys. A few days later I am out for a ride on my motorcycle with my dad. We were just trying to get the engines going on our bikes so we only planned to be out for a few minutes. Out on the feeder, my dad decides to prove just how much faster his POS is. He guns it and turns a corner in an attempt to try and lose me. I, being a 19 year old testosterone-boosted little prick, will have none of this. I go full throttle as well, but forget that I will be making a pretty sharp turn up ahead. Congratulations James, you have now entered an underpass u-turn at 40 mph. Who can guess what happens next? You're probably CORRECT. My bike slides out from under me and I leave a bunch of my flesh on the pavement. This lady drives by and rolls down her window. "Hey, are you OK?!" I am on the ground still trying to get my ass up unsuccessfully. At this point I'm really wishing I hadn't acquired so much weight my first year of college. But anyways, the lady drives off without hearing an answer from me. What the fuck. I ride home with open wounds all over my body. I get home and my dad tells me to jump in the shower to wash off all the dirt and shit. I have no idea why in the hell I complied. As soon as I turned the water on, I nearly passed out from the sting. OK, the mother unit finally makes the executive decision to bring me to the ER. At the ER, I am assigned what seems to be a homosexual nurse. Oh god. At least I think he'll be gentle. And he was, but I just couldn't help but feel like he was stroking my leg and arms in a very seducing manner. What can I say? Gay people love me.

A lot of people asked me "How is your summer going?" or "How have you been?" I answered "Great!" But in reality, everything has been far from pleasant. But, the new school year is about to start and I'm sure there will be lots to look forward to. Oh btw, all the stories above should in no way be taken as an example of my normal driving. Please don't be afraid to ride in my car. I'm really not that bad of a driver! Just ask all my friends!

/rant

Thanks for reading!

Cliffs:

- 3 accidents in 3 months.

- FML